Today I formally start work on my research paper. I already gathered up a good amount of material, now it's just down to picking what is important, organizing those concepts, and then commenting. I've decided to document this process. Why? Maybe to see how it goes?
Reading a textbook for the pleasure of it feels incredible. I feel... like a kid again. o_O

For the three people who still read this, I need your help.
Why is it such a crime that people spend time on music video games (i.e. Rock Band, Guitar Hero) instead of practicing a real instrument?
I can see why it is important for people to want others to immerse themselves in the arts, however most people are not very creative or original, especially when it comes to music. Sure, if everyone learned to play the guitar, there might be some better music out there, but I think if a person truly wants to play music, they will, and if a person wants to play a video game, they will, and I'm sure that there's pople that want to, and do, both.
I am not sure why people get so upset about things like this. I do not understand why there is always such a crusade against imagination.

I was watching Karate Kid this morning (actually, I'm watching it right now, but I do not want to mix up my tenses later), and it came to the scene where Daniel was learning balance by the ocean. It made me think about how important the ocean was to Miyagi-san, since it was likely that he learned the very same balance in the very same ocean. True, it was at a coast half-way across the globe, but it remains the same ocean, the "idea" of the ocean. I then began thinking about all the scenes in movies and video games that involve the ocean, and the feelings that they inspired in me. It is no secret that I love the ocean, but I actually have somewhat little experience with the ocean. I have never truly sailed anywhere, not have I been out at sea for longer then a day. I have been to beaches and piers and docks, and I have fished and thrown rocks and played with sand. Considering all my waking hours, an incredibly small amount involve the ocean directly. This led me to consider the hours that involved the ocean indirectly. I can not even count the hours I have spent daydreaming, reading, watching, or thinking about the ocean. Then there are the hours I draw little ships, or play with little ships, or build slightly larger but still little ships. So, as I was watching the scene at the ocean, I thought of the experiences the characters had with the ocean, and wondered why I have not had that much time with the ocean. Sure, I could leave right now and go play at the pier, or go look at the tall ships. Sure, if I truly wanted to, I could begin a life of sailing, but that does not feel like what I am supposed to do, nor does it feel like something I really want to do. I was struck with how much time I am _supposed_ to spend with the ocean. Why do these characters spend all day practicing Karate with the seagulls, and I have barely three hours of truly free time a day. It feels like everyone else has hours or days or even weeks on end to pursue things like practicing Karate or saving the children or researching tiberium or flanking the Germans or evading the Spanish Armada or gathering rupees, where I have to study and work on homework and do chores, et cetera.
It seems, yet again, that I am forgetting that the wonderous stories are either works of fiction, created tp be interesting or tell an important message, or are very rare, one-time events or stories, that are not the usual experience for most of humanity. My modern physics professor keeps reminding us that for every one incredible breakthrough, there are thousands of failures, mundane projects, or discoveries that are just plain boring.
I suppose it is not that much of a problem, it was just something that occured to me this morning. I can not really go to the ocean today either, Zoie is coming over, and Sarie and I get to entertain her! Even before that, I have to wait for Sarie to wake up before really going anywhere. At least I recently bought at least five new stories to play through, at least one of which I can work on for the next few hours.

The last two days haven't been very good. Well, they have, but I've just been in an awful mood, and it seems like an inordinate amount of people are being mean to me. Since yesterday morning, things have not been going may way, so to speak.
However, I was just going to say how excited I was when I went to the doctor and got some free medicine, and very fancy medicine, at that! However, before I could get to my computer, disaster struck.
The string of Slimes that hang from my DS broke off and ran away.
I have no idea where they could be now. I have some idea, but nothing helpful. They ran off somewhere between my doctor's office, and the SDSU library. I'm pretty sure I had them when I was on the trolley, but not after. If I did, in fact, lose them within the trolley, then I'll never find them again. It also seems that Strapya does not sell the string of Slime's anymore. I found some on the Square-Enix website, but it's in japanese, and I can not successfully decipher the text needed to make an order. I'm also pretty sure they do not ship to the colonies.
So, if anyone sees a stray string of Slimes, and they look slightly tattered, but loved, tell me. They miss their comfy DS home. Or, if anyone has an extra DS strap they can let me borrow, it would be greatly appreciated.

At the moment, I desire nothing additional in my life, except for breaking a bottle of champange on the side of a frigate.

It's not dying itself that I fear. I don't doubt that it'll be awfully inconvenient, as I don't think there will ever be a time when I will feel that I've done everything I've ever wanted to do, and I don't doubt that it'll be incredibly painful, even if it is for a microsecond as my skull gets crushed in the cold steel hands of a security android. It's the complete lack of existance that scares me most. When you pass out, you don't know that you passed out until afterwards. Sure, I know you're supposed to just enjoy life more so because of the fact that it's short and you can only enjoy it for so long, but if at the end, I pass out and never wake up, then there's so proof that I had any of that fun or that it ever happened.
I've managed to (barely) convince myself that I have nothing to fear if the universe continues to exist after I die. I know that seems incredibly self-centered (...haha), but it's a real fear for me. Fortunately, that fear doesn't occur that often. It's usually the case when I'm (and I'm sure most of humanity feels the same way during this time) lying in bed, unable to sleep, as my senses are slowly being drained away from me. I've come to realize that it is during those times when the rest of existance itself feels like it doesn't even exist at all. When I'm awake and having fun, out riding my bike somewhere I haven't been before, or laughing about something that I couldn't have possibly thought of myself, or exploring some rediculously complex but understandable scientific theory, I don't fear about the universe not existing anymore when I'm dead, because I know that the universe exists outside of myself. I suppose that could be all in my mind, but if my mind can make up all these beautiful sunrises and complex theories that all just so happen to fit together, then I suppose that in itself is reason to not fear death, as I'm some sort of supercomputerbrain. However, it is very likely that I am just a speck of data in a large universe, and existance will continue after I die, which is just enough to make me happy.
I could see why Descartes had such a hard time proving this, as from his point of view, he was the creator of all the complex theories (well, not ALL obviously). From his point of view, he was creating the universe around him, and as such, it was subject to his whims. I think the last thing I really created was a 3 panel comic I sketched in my math notes, and honestly, even that had no continuity, and likely didn't represent some physical process of the world.

I think I'm having a grumpy day today. Usually I'm only this grumpy if I'm really tired, which I suppose I am, but I took a nap and I do not feel any better.
However, the recent developments involving research in Damascus steel has rekindled my interest in Chemistry. I'm hoping that I can do research with Cooksy next semester, despite some of my earlier exam scores.

This isn't a BIG post. In fact, it's a small one. I just thought I'd update everyone so they know what's going on.
I've been studying for finals a lot lately. Contra 4 has been getting in the way, but I'm managing to stay on track, or at least minimizing how behind I am. Sarie and I went to the mall a few days ago, and I was so happy I was able to spoil her so terribly. ^^ I would be upset about how much I spent, but it wasn't THAT much, I had some to spare, and she definitely deserved it. The RIP... wait... I didn't know those were the initials. O_O Ok... I'm renaming it the RyPlan. ^^ The Ryplan has been going well. I've been a little melancholic lately, but I'm sure that's going to go away once I get proper amounts of sleep. I'm almost stressed about finals, but honestly, I'm pretty confident in how much I know the material we'll be going over. I'm only really nervous about Biochem and Pchem. Although that's half my classes, Pchem I have a pretty good grasp of, and I've managed to survive biochem so far. I haven't recieved my exam score for the last test yet, so I'm nervous about that.
I started playing front mission, but that was just for some fun on the train ride home (which was rather interesting in itself). I was worried that I was already in the middle of too many games, but luckly, against my better judgement, some time ago I compiled a list of the games I'm currently in the middle of. Console games I have a pretty good excuse for putting on hold, but even so, most of the console games I'm in the middle of, I'm at a pretty good stopping point. (Between chapters, mostly.) As far as portable goes, I have an RPG, an action game, a music game, and that's about it. Most of the others I'm either at the end and just playing for fun, or starting over. I know it's SO hard having too many games to play, but it's actually (albeit minutely) somewhat stressful.
The comic book store in Lompoc made Sarie and I appreciate ours so much more. Being able to spoil ourselves there also made me appreciate that much further. The bookstore in Santa Barbara was pretty good. All the stores had plenty of toys, but now that I'm not hiding my Japanophilia, the anime store fits my... our needs better. ^^
That's about it. Like I said earlier, I was feeling a little upset, especially about myself while in Lompoc. Suprisingly, my mom made me feel better. It's only suprising considering what I was upset about. I'm still down on myself for a few other things, but honestly, I think that'll go away with sleep. I'm sorry this post isn't written better. I'm definitely lacking sleep.
I was looking at pictures of Sarie and I sleeping on her Mac, and it made me so... incredibly... sleepy. >_

I wrote this immediately when I arrived at work. I was trying to post it from there, but it did not quite work out. On the way home from work, I debated whether or not I should post it when I get home. I initially decided against it, but I've changed my mind. On a side note, I notice that there's an awful lot of "I" in this entry. Sorry.

I do not deny the possibility of the existence of a god. However, two things disturb me. First, no matter how strongly I prove that there is absolutely no definitive proof denying god, I can't escape the feeling that there is none. Second, this feeling upsets me, and I can not tell why. I think it may be fear of insignificance, although I am accustomed to that. However, even if I set that aside, there is still something unknown upsetting me. I am mostly upset in how my mind is so upset in torturing itself.
I bring these up as they threaten to impede the Ryans Improvement Program. I fear that if all life is truly insignificant, than bettering myself, along with everything else is absolutely meaningless. However, these feelings manifested as I rode past student housing, a place more bleak, lonely, and hopeless than most I've imagined.
I admit, however, that I know very little about life, the universe, and non-fictional deities. I also know that I don't often have a good grasp of logic. I therefore acknowledge that everything I'm worrying about is probably wrong.

For some reason which I can not, as of yet, determine, I am in an absolutely horrible mood right now. Just, absolutely horrible. I do not even have any willingness to eat or lie down or read or anything. I know that this is hardly postworthy, but I just felt I HAD to say it somewhere.

Too much studying. In an effort to leave it behind, I embarked on researching further into an aspect of my class that I knew would kill some time. It eventually lead back to more studying.

"Great fleas have little fleas upon their backs to bite 'em,
And little fleas have lesser fleas, and so ad infinitum."

I still can't sleep.
Not only do I feel as obese as Göring, but also I feel intellectually sluggish, having switched my lullaby from Bach to MST3k.

I couldn't sleep. Initially, it was because of a dilemma over Jewish eschatology, but after doing some thinking, and some reading, I managed to get over it. I then decided that in order to truly enjoy what living means, I should have some cookies. This lead me to where I am now... sitting, with far too much sugar in my system, and watching a documentary on the Nuremberg trials.
I think I had around 8 cookies today, likely more. I finished off a bag of chips, half a bag of popcorn, and a diabetic candy bar. I had clam chowder, a strawberry-banana-blueberry smoothie, and a turkey and muenster sandwich for my three meals. I can't think of anything else, but I know that I definitely had more then that. I only went outside after the sun had long set, and I only did fifteen minutes on the cardio machine. I would feel bad about this... I do feel bad, actually... but after watching the movie, I figure it could be far worse.
I can not wait until I return to San Diego. I miss you, Sarie!

At first, I didn't know what to think about Inubaka. When I first glanced across it at Borders, I noticed the cute pictures of the dogs, and the very likable main character, but didn't think anything of the story. As seems to be common for me, I kept obsessing over whether or not I was within the target audience for the book. After reading a little bit in one of the samplers at comic-con, I decided that it didn't really matter, and I resolved that I would pick up and start reading it.
I just finished the first volume and it is very, very good. There was a part in the middle where I actually cried. Not too much, but I did shed a few genuine tears. There were many parts where I laughed at both the characters and the dogs. I really shouldn't be, but I am suprised at how good the story is. Perhaps because I just finished reading a comic book, as opposed to a novel... but I'm not feeling incredibly literally elegant right now, so I'll quit writing and end this post.
I'm glad I gave in and finally picked up the book, it's definitely worth it. I'm going to get working on some Picross puzzles.
<3

So far, I'm able to fall asleep at around 2 or 3 PM, and sleep for six hours. Although I wish I had a full eight hours, or more, of sleep, I think that the schedule I'm in is much better then the one before. I get home, and almost immediately Sarie wakes up, and we are given the opportunity to do things before the day is too old. Admittedly, I've squandered this privilege a few times, but I am trying my hardest to fix that, and it is still better then sleeping until the sun goes down and then waking up. Also, I enjoy being able to do things in the morning, a time when I'm usually stuck in class, unable to see how lovely the outside world is before noon.

I still want to push back my bedtime an hour or so, I think I'm fully adjusted to the schedule for now. I do not feel that tired when I get home, and when I do get to sleep in the afternoon, I sleep very well, better then when I slept in the morning.

Sarie's been getting antsy and bored because I'm away or asleep for two thirds of the day, but I'm getting a few days off in a row, and I'm really looking forward to that! We'll be renting a car, also, so we can go to some of the tea places and Mitsuwa! ^^ On the seventh, we'll be heading out to the Decemberists's concert, which will be awe-inspiring, I'm sure. We'll leave early so we can spend some time in Little Tokyo. Hopefully this short vacation will allow me to repent for working far too many (and awful) hours and spending too much time away from Sarie. I admit, I indulge too much in relaxing when I get home, considering how little free time we get together. It is very, very nice to be able to not be at work though. Our apartment is just so cozy, it has all our toys scattered about, and it is nice and cool (not tepid and moist like it's been outside), and it even smells good! Sometimes I get home and it smells like books and coffee, which I don't see why it would smell that strong of the two... but those are two very comforting scents... to me, anyways.

I'm home and I've tallied up June's expenses. Just for the record:

Rent and Bills: 1044.45
Food: 201.71
-Notable items in food include 12 seperate visits to coffee houses, and a fourty-four dollar visit to Toshi Sushi, which was totally worth it ^^
Items: 104.23
-A wooden airplane that was on sale, laundry, going to the movie, and 60 dollars from the ATM which I don't recall spending, but I don't doubt that it was on a game.
Medicine: 40.64
-And I'm due for another visit.

Edit: The bills (which are from one month) total don't take into account Sarie's half (500 Rial, which is 50,000 Dinar).
And the 60 dollars from the ATM was for June's trolley/bus pass.

I took three naps yesterday. One from 1 AM until 6, one from noon until 3 PM, and one from 6 PM until about 10. I haven't felt tired or wanting sleep at all during this shift, so I have the feeling I've payed off my "sleep debt," and will be able to go to sleep at around 2-3 PM, thus almost accomplishing my goal of sleeping in the afternoon and being awake during the morning.
Speaking of debt, I realize that I'm not unique in this situation, but I am almost entirely broke. This last paycheck of mine was a little small, and I did have quite a few bills to pay off, but now it's not even half-way through april and what little funds I did have are almost copletely exhausted. I realize that I do spend money on food that I don't always ask for reimbursement (Sarie and my dad both noted that I ask for notably little money per month when it comes to food), but I haven't splurged or gone out to a very expensive dinner, and besides bills, I don't spend that much money. I shouldn't be as broke as I am, especially considering how much I work... yet still, I'm below my budget in my savings, and I can't seem to completely eliminate the balance on my one credit card.

I suppose I could be worse... I could have SEVERAL credit cards. As far as that, however... I can't see how it could be worse. It's not like I have a drug problem, or even have a car. I suppose I will go over last month's bank statement and find out just where all my money has gone.

If I conserve until mid-July, I'll get my first full-time paycheck, and be able to pay off... (calculating...) about 400 dollars of my credit card. That's a little more then half. I suppose that's not too bad, but it's still upsetting knowing that you're a screw up when it comes to budgeting.

Especially when you're Jewish.

Oh! Sarie and I went swimming yesterday morning. I tried to be good and actually swim laps, but it was more fun to wade back and forth. I hope I burned some calories. It was fun though, and we both left with our faces a little burned.
Ryan

I had a post written for yesterday, but I was having problems with my PDA and had to restart it. Ironically, part of my post was praise for the very PDA that crashed on me.
Essentially, I described what happened on the first day of the experiment. When I got home, I had to have Sarie unlock the door, and in doing so, woke her up earlier then she should have been up. She then went to bed at 9 and in joining her, I found the allure of the bed, Sarie, and Sarie in bed to be too much, and I succumbed to early slumber.
Last night, I managed, through tedious R-Type Final grinding, to stay up until 11, pushing my schedule back 2 hours. I woke up early, however, and had to take a nap later in the day. I don't yet know how this will affect my process.

Note to Tim: I text messaged you already, but because it's on my mind, and to help clarify, I'll tell you again here. It turns out that the days you want to come down aren't as good as I originally thought. However, I asked my boss for some days off later in July or early in August (which shouldn't be too hard to get, as the busiest part of summer is almost over) so that Sarie and I can come down to Lompoc, and, among other things, come visit you!

I was beginning to think that I was fully adjusted to my new work hours and sleeping schedule, but I'm still very sleepy from three until six or seven in the afternoon. Today I was cranky and now I feel a little sad or upset, but without any particular reason. Most importantly, Sarie dislikes my sleeping schedule in that we no longer get to cuddle, fall asleep and wake up at the same time. I too, dispise not being able to fall asleep in her arms and not being able to wake up before her.
It is because of these reasons that I am now attempting to again change my sleep schedule. I am going to be more gentle on myself this time, as I am only going to adjust by an hour or two every day. Instead of sleeping from nine in the morning until around three, my ultimate goal is to sleep from three until eleven. This would be easier to adjust to waking up and immediately going to work, an experience more akin to the freedom of the day being a reward for working first. Working first would be better than the current scenario where I now have to work at the END of the day, a punishment for squandering the long days of summer. Primarily, the new schedule would allow me to fall asleep before Sarie, but if she falls asleep before I go to work, we would be able to cuddle before slumber. Additionally, as I would have been fully rested before work, I would be fully awake when I get home, and thus be awake when she wakes up (So I can try and make breakfast in bed, or collect flowers, etc. ^.~).
I feel extraordinarily awake right after work, especially considering how fatigued I feel from not having slept yet. I hypothesize that I might not be a night owl, but a morning person; my urges to stay awake during darkness are for me to see the darkness ending, not beginning. However, I could be neither, and just like staying up late when it best facilitates video games.
Today is the first day of the experiment. Last night I fell asleep at nine or ten, so to play it safe and only push my sleep schedule, at most, an hour and a half forward, I will force myself to stay awake until eleven thirty. I will then lie in bed where I assume I will have no problem falling asleep. If I can not immediately fall asleep, then at least I will be in the comfort of my bed as I push my schedule further into the afternoon.
I am documenting this experiment not because it is anything extraordinary, but because I have the opportunity to post on Livejournal again (now that I sit at a desk for 8 hours), and because I feel if I document it, I will have a greater chance of success (hopefully not facilitated by the fact that if I fail, my failure will be fully documented).

I'm considering writing again. I don't have particularly much to write about, but since I'm stuck with a computer for 8 hours a night this summer, I'll at least be available to write again. I suppose I could have written with _my_ computer, but I didn't have much to write about, really.
Let's see how things turn out.

-I just remembered, I already have a physical notebook. I was just about to delete this post, but, I might as well keep it up.
I hope everyone's doing well!